Have you ever beat yourself up over something you did or didn't do? I'm really struggling with that right now. I was doing so well, for a while, calling both of my grandmothers about every week or two. Lately, I've been a slacker. I always knew I could call Gran and it would just be some sweet time talking to her, catching up, quick and to the point. My precious Mee Maw, though, likes to talk. I love talking to her, hearing stories and what's going on with the family, reminiscing about some old times (craving some of her famous cooking!). I always knew, though, I needed to schedule a little more time to call her. But I haven't. I'm totally beating myself up over this. Why have I been so selfish with my time not to call her? Ugh!
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| August 2011 |
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| August 2011 |
It all began Friday night when Dad called to let me know she had fallen. After spending about three hours laying in the floor someone finally heard her calls for help. Since her door was locked to her apartment they called the paramedics who came to help. The neighbor was kind enough to ride with her in the ambulance until they contacted my aunts. She broke her hip in the fall and had surgery (with a rod inserted from her hip to knee) Saturday morning. Mee Maw did well in surgery.
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| August 2011 |
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| August 2011 |
Then, later in the day she had a stroke. I feel so horrible, so helpless, homesick. It's terrible. I spend too much time cleaning or going to the gym or worrying about dinner, grocery shopping...darn it
call your grandmothers! Geez!
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| August 2011 |
I've definitely talked to Dad and Mom several times a day Saturday and Sunday. I wanted to talk to Mee Maw but knew the flood waters would start running. I finally broke down and called the hospital number after church yesterday knowing Dad was there. I reluctantly did agree to talk to her - I didn't know how she would sound and if she sounded down I could not handle it emotionally. I was pleasantly surprised she sounded pretty good. I understood her, but I could still tell she wasn't her usually chipper self.
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November 2011
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I'm longing for one of those endless conversations with her, hearing about everything, laughing and carrying on, the sound of her voice when she's happy I've called. I'm kicking myself totally right now. I know I try to take every opportunity to visit. Whether as often as I could many Friday afternoons during college to visit on my way home or now when I travel home it is definitely a priority. Even after the tornadoes last April, before I drove back to Florida I made a stop with the kids to visit her. No question, I AM visiting her.
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| December 2011 |
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| December 2011 |
Granny got a call tonight.
1 comment:
Girl, I totally know what you are saying and feeling. But I KNOW that she KNOWS you love her and she is not upset with you!!! Gonna call my grandmothers tonight.... :) I'm the same way. I don't meant to push it to the back burner, but it does get pushed there nonetheless....
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